Behind a Mask: Or, a Womans Power (The Floating Press)

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Mind Palace. The mind is a torturous place. I have been very independent. Very to myself. No one to cry to. No one to ask for help. People help me with obvious things Just My Mask. Of course I'm fine, why do you ask? Oh don't mind this, it's just my mask. It hides the grief, it hides the strife,I wear this Personal Storm. Through the earth, past heaven and sky towards the shore where God's May lie.

From the world life's conquered once more, I They shuffled in every Page In every word they flew They danced in my teardrops But that you can't do It all burns from the To Endure is To Live. The sun sets as shadows consume the landDemons travel with them and the forgotten one comes lastHe consumes my mindDark Two Minds. Two minds, one body. One heart for passions and ever-changing interests, And a brain to make him like everyone else, a hard Who Am I Really?

IQ Haiku. The reason why. The sun sets beneath the trees from afar He stares at the ground Thinking, worrying, anxious He knows his way home But Turkey Feet. Frightened by the fear that roamsmy consciousnessI stitch these lips shut to hold inthose matterless flawsthat I'll create Deeper than a CUT.

Chapter 1 - Behind a Mask, or a Woman's Power

Sterilized blade, Mesmerized soul, Caught in depression, Doubting of herself in this world, What is there to believe when I was asked today if I was okay. When asked that what do i say? Say yes? Silence is a gift From you by you To think and to understand To understand and to think Why do you hate silence? Why must What About Tomorrow? Today… I'm Smiling. I am happy because I'm surrounded by people who love me. Today… I'm strong. I feel like I can actually Success is Not Given.

Learn life and turn your nightmares into dreams, Success is only reached by building the right team. Passion is the driving I try not to think about splitting my head open and letting all the pressure out. When my parents ask my doctor if they need Why did you go? Why did you leave? Was there anything I could have done? Now as I sit here and cry I wonder why. I miss To constantly fear Like a ittle kid Are You Ready? Knowledge is Power. But unfortunately there is a chain Faded Friends.

It all started this one night, strolling with the dim street light. Lost, quiet and confused, damaged, fragile and abused Adult-ing Before Adulthood. Five Sense Lie. A common question with good intention. Yet when you utter these words, I feel citrus orchards tear through my The Hand I Was Dealt. Pacing the hallway back and forth, I feel my breath quicken with each step.

I receive the signal to enter the room, So I Seeds of the Heart. My mind has fallen into the deepest parts of the abyss. I see nothing I feel nothing Why is life so difficult? Why am I so Alone but Surrounded. Alone but surroundedLightly she stands with a heavy concentrationHer eyes fixed at nothing in the distanceThe rippling water Life called home. We are taught In this life To keep breathing To continue with moving motion Of our hands correlating with our feet parading A mind as vast as the universe, Can get lost in the depths of time.

But pause, Look around at your company, For the stars My stomach is growling, My head is pounding, My breath is shaky; But it is satisfying. My stomach is slimming, My thigh Queen from Under. Can you see her, at the gates of Hell Pretty white nurse, toting a gag bell Was she ever yours? Do you even know? While you The eyes of the dead. The skin of the dead. They're both upon us. The sound of the dead. The smell of the dead. We can never I can't believe its not butter, fly like an eagle. Toxicity of me.

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I Worry and I Pray. We all have our issues. Relative to the life they live and the experiences they have Welcome all to what I call my imagination, quite a unique thing let it fill you with facsination. But there comes a price to Held at Gunpoint. Know the Shame of being broken, the guilt that Appears from your Finding the Angel and the Devil Inside. The world is full of mistakes we've made Heads full of the things we don't say and our Hearts full with the love that we've I write for it's all I have I write to let my feelings fly to let the sins and pain wash out I feel the pen in my hand each Who Am I, Really?

Who am I, Really? I know I am a Woman but what make me who I am this very moment? Who am I, really? I have a past that's How am I Breathing when I am Dead? Panic Can't-- I can't Breathe Panic I know Panic I've done it again Panic You don't think I know Unconsciousness: The Bedtime Story. Today is the last day that I'm neglecting words. They've inspired me, acquired a new meaning to function effortlessly and Falling tall. Calm down take a breath It's About You Why did she say that? I wonder what he thinks about me? I wonder how they feel? What if she doesn't like me?

How do I let The Well I Have Made. Drip, drip, drop Water falls Never stop Drip, drip, drop Is there a bottom? Where is the top? But the water still knows Anger is like a wildfire It burns down a whole forest of trees The trees are the relationships That affect you and me. I started to belive at the age of fifteen , That I was Independent. My reason for that was Golden Honey. Divided by three the strength in me still exceeds infinityBecause my affinity to be great cannot be gratedSo I apologize if Make Up.

I stand in front of the mirror.. And put on some moisturizer.. It makes my skin soft and smooth.. Just the way I want my Tjw Weed. It Started. I am a whirlwind I cannot choose the place to go I am a whirlwind I cannot chose the place to go This energy is overwhelming Some days we are told how to feel and what to feel. It is on those days that it is most important to listen to our hearts, In a World Full of People.

With a life so blessed Why do I feel so poor? Perhaps poor of happiness or The City Of Broken Dreams. From showing no pityto playing on the streetfamilies attempt to escape povertynobody recognizes realitybecause the A jungle environment With fists clenched tight. Clinging onto fig branches Like a baby koala. Fingers sharp and tightened, Out and In. Sometimes, I want to get away. And then other times, I want to stay.

I need to get out, But I need to look in. It's not all New Friends. Silver and crimson over and over Across my arms, along my wrists and neck My good friends help me keep my composure When I Your Friend just Killed herself. Hello There Shadow Dear. Thoughts That Kill. I have zero desire to do anything constructive; I am practically craving destruction. Apparently I have an acquired taste Change the Way We're "Helped". Just be happy! I can't. Just don't worry! Don't you get it? It's not that easy. You mean well with your words,But don't Heart racing, thoughts unclear. It's midnight.

Looking down, a piece of metal. A thin blade. One touch to the skin it My song sounds like. Sitting in this Room, Mouth clenched shout. My thoughts keep talking. I can taste the silence on the tip of my tongue. Council Kids for ever and a day. The weekly baths, always a storm, I went last, only to find Record Book. I wandered over the black bald And fingered through the blue wrinkled pages. I recalled when I cracked my neck and rolled The Street. The street I walked down the street The wind whispered in my ear. The only sound is the pounding of my feet. I wish there To my dear depressing thoughts,.

Living, breathing and hurting inside of me. Angel With a Shotgun. You see the girl in the dark corner All alone Do you see how that darkness shrouds her, grasping and taking a hold of her Im scared. Poem Unknown. They are like a conflagration, they are simply memorable Watch for the Sunset. Allow the tears sear your cheeks while you leave your reality and embrace that fake necessity.

Release the pain entrapping More Pain. The door is shut again I'm the one that shut it. They are the ones that started it How can you live in a home like this? Found the Me. For so longed I've searched Yet, I could not find The one in whom I first discovered truth The one that showed my purest Shades of Grey. I am so fatigued; my eyes have grown fuzzy, The words have turned rigid and bland. From White to Grey to Black- I can feel You are Worth it. Millions of girls, Millions of boys, Millions of men, Millions of women, Every morning you all look in the mirror, but how What can I not live without?

What drives me to continue on marching? Once upon a time…. I met a princess A special Princess, a rich princess, a smart princess, a kind princess A bam spankin' Life is sometimes rough but everything happens for a reason always make sure to be yourself Open your mind and your I want to kill myself everyday.

And that will never change no matter what anyone say. The girl I love will move on like the Slingshot Mouth. Oh, but the more I wrote about youthe easier it got, mouthfuls of poemsfilled up like my anxiety flowing out. I hope you All or Nothing, for the Ones who Thrive. Work, study, sleep, work, study, sleep. I have no time to finish a rhyme, to busy am I trying to get by With a monstrous Keep Turning. You're the sun rising in the morning,The fresh blanket of dew covering a shivering field of grass,The wind flying through Depression depression you bring me down you make me sad you make me drown.

Drowned in emotions so deep so dark, they melt my My Curtain. Ignorance is Bliss.


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And I still have tolerance, As I wait for an aching kiss. She wakes up Feels the rush All in one motion Takes in the sickness Because it peels skin Until she bleeds It clouds over I'll get there eventually. I may not have a loud voice, but my passion speaks louder than any. My passion involves others and helping them through Positive Thoughts. Live life Love life Live happy. Be happy Stay happy Live a life of happiness and always be alive. Think well Be well Be I feel alone.

Even though I live with my family and I have my friends on my contact list I The Lonely. People expect me to be strong. Like the man with the long salt-and-pepper beard in his tan Volvo making his way across a Welcome to my Mind. I'm fine. You're not. You're fine. I'm not. Push it away. I don't want to think about it. It's not me. It is you. Why are The Psalms Know. Wake Up. Tick tock, Good morning, Today, a life will be lived and a life will be lost Today, a murder will happen and a child will be As I sit through your class, I hold back tears.

Tears of anger, tears of stress, all kinds of tears. But the tears you will The Doll. I see a doll across the room, Her eyes are big that set your doom. I state into her eyes and she stares back, she look How can something be so refreshing, Yet so draining? An escape, Yet a prison? Monsters under the bed. Monsters in my It Won't Hurt. Utter Darkness. Many a man question what darkness is, where does it come from where does it go?

How can the darkness transcend upon us who Hollowed cheeks and tapering limbs, A sign of illness the mind can't win. Her hair is thinning, her stomach concave, But how I am a flawless young lady! I was that girl, who weighed more than she should've. Who wore glasses and braces to make my appearance even more bitter. A quiet thunderstorm. There's a quiet thunderstorm inside my head, the thoughts strike across my brain, neurons illuminate with light, If no one would listen.

Or were their thoughts preoccupied? The day I Darkened Wants. Please Note: There is a trigger warning for this poem. As she covers her arms, she covers her whole world. A world rooted As pale as a white Rose. If I were gone They say that time waits for no man. But innate yourself and hold my hand. Allow me to teach you right from wrong and catch Dear Doctor. Thank heavens dear doctor, your schedule is free! Of course my child, now what shall it be?

Vaguely Isolated. His mood was short The transient feeling was impermanent But it became plentiful and copious He was now fragile and tenuous Not Everything is a Test. The world around me seems so suppressed. Everyone just looks so depressed. Never knowing what'll happen next, all you can I wish love was less permanent. This underlying, constant toremnt. I lay awake, thier faces at night, thinking, what could i My Face, Not My Face. Everybody hides behind something. You may think you know everything about someone, but there's something in them, something Hold on Tight Little Butterfly.

Hold on tight little butterfly You can fight this You deserve better So come on little butterfly fly those wings You can do Do you see? I Am a Victim of Expired Medication. She was squatting on the dark worn out green bench. Her head pointed up to the bright blue Nobody starts off as the star of the show in front of a cheering audience Everyone starts off with a curtain in front of Everyone wants to be a judge with no degree. To challenge the mind of the defender for free. No law learned; No law The Monster Behind Your Eyes.

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It's not you who wakes up, it's I can ride a wave of light to the stars and swallow them whole, spitting out constellations and fireworks. Love in a lie. Everlasting That's what he said we'd be Forever Loving Soon became hard breath 'cause in my head were disillusion you can't Some people love chocolate, sugar,.

Some people love chocolate, sugar, and cakes But I must say that I love dates! I Am Of Stars. You are insignificant, But only slightly. You are one person out of an infinite amount of creatures. You are also the only A Walking Corpse. I walk around like a zombie. A reflection of a corpse. Like Im in a body thats not mine. A body depression has invaded. I'm the type of person.

I'm the type of person to keep things to myself. My feelings and emotions are kept in this bottle. I was never really this The fiendish desire to die lurked in the depths of the innocent. Lost little souls with nowhere to go with their perception Skinny and Thin. When unforgiveness lives in us, it eats us up alive It takes so much wasted energy and time so precious and so short To Alas, I am sitting in class, Stressed for the upcoming test. Afraid I am unprepared to pass, My heart pounds in my chest Summer Hearts.

Every summer now and then, As the bright white clouds descends, I waited forever and ever, just to see your smile. I wish there were words to explain what happened to the voice inside my head. I string these words to try to illustrate A Note For Teacher. Mistakes Happen. A Hand. Nothing poetic was ever written, But I alwsys thought of it as a vision I look for my brain's talent everyday in depth I wait silently until, The cold breeze finally makes me shiver What goes up, Must come down. So will my smile, Become a frown? And will my cruelness, Come back around? Will Karma We stand in a crowd of people but we stand alone In a busy world filled with billion We are still alone But this is the true Our view of love is like a rose Beautiful in warm weather, turning brittle in the cold which soon dies as the cold air The light he sees is but the birthright I was given I am made of soft flesh, but scars are more prominent than people know She tried drawing herself as a lover on the canvas of his mind He erased all her sketches when her called her just a friend Push yourself.

We find ways to make it. We are stronger than we think. Most believe they will break So they give up at the brink. It is I Speak My Mind. I know I may not be much But who knows what goes on in my head No one seems to care I am seen as nothing there I feel Discontent, sadness, The End. That's how I feel. Something is missing. What is it? DOes anyone know. I'm always rejected. Always avioded. Something has Destination: Home. I never understood how people were homesick or what that term really meant.

I am a very logical person or at least I try to He is There. Even though you cannot see. Hi I have a few disorders ones you cannot pshycally see Im different in many ways to start a list here i go manic Dead on One's Feet. I wish to tell a tall tantalizing tale Of when mischief misery came sneakingly stale The heart of a unstable hungry person The Emptiness Of One's Self.

As our worries start rise, the emptiness of our world fulfills itself. When do the thoughts that make our mind itch stop? Chaos, A Calmed Storm. Are you high? Don't lie. No use. Miss Independent Thought she could. All Alone Hold the phone You feel very fragile just like glass When it comes to problems that appear in your life Making it more difficult than it You would have never saw it coming Because I kept on saying I am ok I am always suffocating in my selflessness I am fighting Damned Endearment. Why Couldn't You Save Me? Why couldn't you save me? I tried to tell you, I tried to let you see, but instead you withdrew, away from me as if you didn Vast are the expectations of a grueling crowd of thieves.

Stealing all the souls from the lonely hearts they feed. A chemical Phantom Hands. Fair weather metronome. Walking, Still walking, through the rain and shine and snow - walking and more walking- more walking then you know. I walk The beat has begun. A Masquerade. Gather around Let's have a masked parade To mask the pain That proves that we are all the same No shame, it's a masquerade Nobody knows,Nobody sees.

A trapped soul,In her own deeds. People walk past,People skim over. But they do not realize,Her Attracted and driven by atomic hedonism, but a quiet pious life does not elude my dreams. Vengeance and ruthlesness sear my Want and Need are Two Separate Things. One word. That has so much meaning and power behind it. Pretty little liar, in your pretty little attire, looking stressed and hot wired, we see through all your games. My Life Story. A flower. The Glow-Up After Military. Interesting word, horrible feeling You feel every syllable Especially the "low" Happens randomly Out of the blue you My Journey.

The Future. Roses are red, violets are blue, Donald Trump's president One Job A swim. In the abyss a crevice of black I curl my neck ready to attack With inked rapiers in my claws I slash and stab hoping for While, yes, we are a troubled A Normal Day. Take a normal day. What do you have? A normal day! A normal day Happens Where Are you? There is this girl I know. There is this girl I know She sits in the back of the class, quiet Never thinking and never speaking She is hurt, and she Only Hours. Everything is dark, I feel like my Needed Me. We all host an inner bully deep inside. Strikes Again.

Yet Another. I make ruins of what was already shambled; I trample over the brain of a once great village. The heart of the city I, grit Life Goes On. Mother and Daughter, hand in hand, with love so strong, so dear, Walk across the meadow with not a single fear. Their hearts Will I ever. Will I ever find my way Just going through life Day by day? I don't think about it No wanting to work But just to play Video Girl. I just want to gather you all for an intervention It's a problem Curiosity for Better or Worse.

Often times, as we progress through life, we find ourselves at a crossroad between knowing and the abyss of not knowing. This World is Blind to Beauty. I will like meEven though for yearsBut for what felt more likeA millenniumI thought I was a mistakeBecause of the jokes they Behind Her Eyes. She gazes blankly at the wall, pondering what to do next.

Is this her final curtain call? All because of one heartless text The Moon's Apology. Large, mystical, and unpredictable, He guided us through the night. He saw us enter the alley That led us to shivering from All my life I've been surrounded by competition that I want no part of, but I gotta admit that I dream of a job that's more You are not alone today,. You are not alone today, I am with you as I write. Just hear me out for one last thing, I know it will all be all right. The Usual. My heart grows weak from the pain and the suffering of this cold hearted world i sit back and wonder why i have to be so Why Am I Afraid?

I Look To The Sky. I look to the sky And wonder where I'll be Will I still be alive in ten or two years? Will I ever learn to face my fears? It stares at me in my despair As I sit in my lonely chair The numbers on its face Watch me in my disgrace It likes to play a The Story of a Girl. In a world overrun with the pressure to be perfect, lives a girl tired of feeling helpless.

Day after day she puts on a Old Dreams. Silly little girl, quit your dreaming This world is not for you. You never respond. I try to understand How I see Miley Cyrus. I lay here thinking about my life all these things I have to do I'm so young why is all this stuff being thrown at me? Why even try? Constantly feeling the need to get their approval and for what? Why is it that you go out The ghost tormenting me is ME. I see it when no one does frightful, tormenting, traumatic I see it when no one does A ghost My ghost The ghost is me beside Even the Insects Can Sing.

I always thought that you had to be important to be listened to like somehow if rose petals dried away while you spoke Anxiety and I. It seems to want to disappear for a It swells in the pit of your stomach It burns at the back of your eyes Your whole body aches on the edge of implotion You Tragic State. Till this day,they think I am a dorknothing less than a jokeI cant denythose words ruined my lifeTill this day, I still Life as we all know it is full of uncertainty and change.

So many things can happen and before you know it, life has already My Little Sis.

It's not unusual. It's summer, for late slumber. Yet , a sound. Woke mother and I Love Un-Die. Thou camest like lightening through a blue, clear sky, Like a strong wind through the trees as I walked by, Like fire The Room. I sit here and type in the darkened room. Just the glow of the lights that drape the walls allow me to see. I can hear My Dad and My Hero. The doctors said, Oh, it's just the stress of what you've been through. I disagreed. What I was going through was unrelated to the surgery. My mother and father understood, and, especially, my mother's constant love and support made it possible for me to grasp hold of my new life and deal with it.

My death stepped up my original commitment to serve as a healer. I was much more understanding of others. When I went back to work, Sam and I peaked in our performance - we did our best work. Five years later Sam died. You have to understand how close we were, how bonded our families. Even though I knew death didn't end anything, Sam's transition threw me. I had to readjust all over again. I work with older people now, giving them my love with each touch. I don't know what's ahead for me or where I'll go, but I am taking massage classes - learning to heal in a different way.

My life is now in God's hands. New opportunities for me to serve are opening up. For half a minute I could see both worlds at once. Finally, when the earth was all gone, I stood in a glory that could only be heaven.


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  • The tops were snowcapped, and the slopes were adorned with foliage of indescribable beauty. The mountains appeared to be about fifteen miles away, yet I could see individual flowers growing on their slopes. I estimated my vision to be about one hundred times better than on earth. It seemed to be alive. The whole landscape was carpeted with grass so vivid, clear, and green, that it defies description.

    To the right was a grove of large, luxuriant trees, composed of the same clear material that seemed to make up everything. They were having a hilarious time holding hands and dancing in a circle - fast and lively. As soon as they saw me, four of the players left the game and joyfully skipped over to greet me. As they approached, I estimated their ages to be: one, thirty; two, twenty; and one, twelve. Their bodies seemed almost weightless, and the grace and beauty of their easy movements was fascinating to watch.

    Both sexes had long, luxuriant hair entwined with flowers, which hung down in glossy masses to their waists. Their only clothing was a gossamer loin cloth with a loop over one shoulder and a broad ribbon streaming out behind in graceful curves and curlicues. Their magnificence not only thrilled me, but filled me with awe. We lived on earth, just like you, 'til we came here. I looked, and it was translucent; that is, I could dimly see through it. Next they had me look at the grass and trees.

    They were also translucent. It was exactly the way the Bible had described heaven. It seemed as if I had been here before. I remembered what was on the other side of the mountains. Then with a sudden burst of joy, I realized that this was my real home! Back on earth I had been a visitor, a misfit, and a homesick stranger.

    With a sigh of relief, I said to myself, Thank God I'm back again. This time I'll stay! The elements don't mix or break down as they do on earth. Everything is kept in place by an all-pervading Master-Vibration, which prevents aging. That's why things don't get dirty, or wear out, and why everything looks so bright and new. Oak St. This email address is being protected from spambots.

    You need JavaScript enabled to view it. He did not want to leave, but was told:. There will come a time of great confusion and the people will need your stabilizing influence. When your work on earth is done, then you can come back here and stay. Born on a Nebraska sandhill during the blizzard of , Yensen recalled being force-fed religion as a youngster.

    Not only did he turn against it, but he started challenging his parents at every turn - including questioning the way they ate. He observed that their farm animals did just fine on a diet of fresh greens and whole grains, yet family members were always suffering indigestion and constipation from the white flour, sugar, and grease they consumed.

    Behind his parents' back, he cured himself by eating bran flakes. He continued to defy the conventions of his day, switching from atheism to mysticism after his near-death experience at the age of thirty-four, marrying afterwards, and built his own home in Parma, Idaho, from blocks of tuffa pumice he and his sons quarried. He later became an educator, public speaker, was active in politics, specialized in historical sculpture his work adorns Parma's city park , was a movie extra in several Hollywood films, an authority on organic gardening and nutrition, and was singled out as one of Idaho's "Most Distinguished Citizens.

    Although a public figure, Yensen was frequently at odds with the school boards where he taught: opposing any procedure that capped a child's creative drive; speaking out against the incarceration of American citizens of Japanese ancestry during World War II; and ignoring school rules by sharing his near-death experience in class as proof to his students that morality matters and life really has a purpose. Ironically, Yensen was still questioning whether or not he had fulfilled his life's work when he returned "home" in , the quiet benefactor of thousands.

    This was to keep what blood remained for my heart and lungs. Then they tilted my body so my legs were up in the air and I was standing on my head! I was venting my anger and frustration from the corner of the ceiling on the right side of my body. I can remember the anger vividly, fury at the powerless position this whole event put me in, and I was very 'verbal' about it - silently - up there, as my mind raced to express its reaction, worry, and concern.

    Their statements 'We're losing her! We're losing her! I found myself in a place of such beauty and peace. It was timeless and spaceless. I was aware of delicate and shifting hues of colors with their accompanying rainbows of 'sound,' though there was no noise in this sound. It might have felt like wind and bells, were it earthly. I 'hung' there - floating. Then I became aware of other loving, caring beings hovering near me. Their presence was so welcoming and nurturing.

    They appeared 'formless' in the way I was accustomed by now to seeing things. I don't know how to describe them. I was aware of some bearded male figures in white robes in a semicircle around me. The atmosphere became blended as though made of translucent clouds.

    I watched as these clouds and their delicate shifting colors moved through and around us. They said they were my guides and helpers as well as being God's Messengers. Even though they were assigned to me as a human and always available to me - they had other purposes, too. They were in charge of other realms in creation and had the capacity of being in several places simultaneously. They were also 'in charge' of several different levels of knowledge. I became aware of an ecstasy and a joy that permeated the whole, unfolding beyond anything that I had experienced in my living twenty-five years, up to that point.

    Even having my two previous children, whom I wanted very much, couldn't touch the 'glow' of this special experience. Everything else seen, the colors, beings, faded into the distance as the Light Being permeated everything. I was being addressed by an overwhelming presence. Even though I felt unworthy, I was being lifted into that which I could embrace. The Joy and Ecstasy were intoxicating. It was 'explained' that I could remain there if I wanted; it was a choice I could make.

    I became aware again that I needed to make a choice. Part of me wanted to remain forever, but I finally realized I didn't want to leave a new baby motherless. I left with sadness and reluctance. There was something skin to a physical bump. As soon as I entered, I heard someone near me say, 'Oh, we've got her back. Morrison-Mays told no one except her husband about the monumental experience she had just had. She managed to squelch any noticeable aftereffects until , when developing psychic sensitivities warned her of a need to make a major change in her life or die.

    The growth effect was propelling me to move on and develop my own responsibility and talents. I finally listened. My spiritual life was beginning. I divorced and started a career as a musician cellist in a major symphony orchestra. Twelve years later, because of serious difficulty walking and severe hip pain, she had a right hip osteotomy to reduce arthritic damage the joint in her hip was placed in a different weight-bearing position.

    The operation went well, but upon reviving, Morrison-Mays entered an altered state of consciousness similar to a near-death episode that she continued to slip in and out of for six months. Throughout this lengthy visionary experience, she received lessons from The Other Side. These "etheric" teachings covered such topics as the geography of the soul, karma, advanced physics, and the cosmology of the Human Experiment. Again her life was profoundly affected. She began volunteering in a hospice afterward and enrolled in a three-year spiritual psychology course. A second near-death event seven years later plunked her right back in that same etheric classroom she had "attended" after hip surgery.

    This occasion was precipitated by the sudden onslaught of a severe type of emphysema and the collapse of her adrenal system Addison's disease. Severe shakes from what she feels was a Kundalini episode complicated the situation. Traditionally, Kundalini is said to be a powerful energy that lies dormant in a person's sacrum until he or she begins to develop spiritually. Then it supposedly rises up the spine, stimulating the glandular centers until it bursts out a person's head. Morrison-Mays turned to a chiropractic physician when medical treatment failed her and, once more, completely changed her life.

    She left the world she had created for herself after her divorce and moved bag and baggage to Quincy, Illinois, the city of her birth. Virtually wheelchair bound, and robbed by illness of much of her energy, Morrison-Mays has instituted a series of classical music concerts for the public that are staged in her own living room.

    Newspaper headlines label her concerts, "Healing Music. The spiritual guidance I receive makes living this life possible. I have walked through the Dark Side and have no fear of my Shadow anymore. I am here to heal my life and do serious writing, though I'm not certain if I am ready to write about the teachings I have been given.

    What I want is to do a book about the memories I have of choosing my parents before I was born, my experience in the womb, and my rebirthing through the near-death phenomenon. A role model for the handicapped, Morrison-Mays has become a living legend. She offered this about the severity of her situation: "There's still a quality of life available. You just have to be open enough to explore it. You can empower yourself. Debbie begins laughing, and the next thing I know we're overtaken by laughter.

    The giggling stops as we're swept off our feet and dragged downriver. Debbie cries out, 'Steven I can't swim. I'm drowning. Without any warning, time, as I know it, stops. I'm floating in a vertical position with my arms outstretched and my head laying on my left shoulder. I feel totally at peace and full of serenity in this timeless space. Next I go through a past-life review. It was like looking at a very fast slide show of my past life, and I do mean fast, like seconds. I don't quite understand the significance of all the events that were shown to me, but I'm sure there is some importance.

    When this ended, it was as if I was floating very high up and looking down at a funeral. Suddenly I realized that I was looking at myself in a casket. I saw myself dressed in a black tux with a white shirt and a red rose on my left lapel. Standing around me were my immediate family and significant friends. There was Debbie within arm's reach.

    I grabbed her by the back of her hair and I was able to get us both over to the rocks and out of the water. After lying on the rocks for a while, I glance over at Debbie and it's like looking at a ghost. As she describes what she went through, it became apparent that we both had the same experience underwater - the golden glow, the serenity, seeing our lives flash before us, floating over a funeral, and seeing ourselves in a casket.

    That is the only time we ever talked about it. I haven't seen or talked with Debbie since. For the next eleven years, Ridenhour tried practically every drug in the universe in an attempt to recapture the euphoria of his near-death experience, but to no avail. All he found was loneliness, prisons, and a failed marriage. He entered a treatment center for drug and alcohol abuse in December , and has been in various stages of recovery ever since. Finally, he was able to find a counselor who knew something about the phenomenon he had experienced and she put him in touch with a near-death researcher.

    He told his story, then quickly disappeared - unable to face the truth of what he had been through. It wasn't until , after suppressing the aftereffects of his experience for a total of twenty years, that Ridenhour found himself flat on his back because of a work-related injury and with no choice but to surrender. Ridenhour is now in nurse's training, determined to repay society for his previous mistakes and to help heal people. His youth was wrapped around horrific incidents of child abuse and abandonment. He grew up thinking he was unlovable and bad.

    His near-death experience so challenged this distorted self-image that, although he wanted the euphoria back, he could not accept the rest of it. Confused and frightened by the incident, he flung himself into a seemingly endless nightmare of self-destruction.

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    I never made the connection between my experience and why I felt so lost. It took getting injured at work before I stopped trying to run away and just relaxed and let all that love and joy back, and the golden glow. I had no choice, really. I had to accept the truth that there is a power in me, and I can use it to help others. Around B. When at last help came, many were puzzled, for the body of Er had not decayed as had the others. Confused, Er's relatives took him home for burial, but upon the funeral pyre he revived, stood up, and recounted what he had learned while on The Other Side for all to hear.

    He then set about educating people concerning the spiritual truths that had been revealed to him, teaching them how they could live more fulfilling and satisfying lives. History leaves in doubt whether the story of Er was created by Plato, or a true report. By , Hung Hsiu-ch'uan, a peasant farmer's son, had failed for the third time to pass the official state examination in Canton, China.

    He fell into a prolonged delirium, his body wasting away as he lay near death for forty days. He revived after having a miraculous vision that portrayed him and an "elder brother" searching out and slaying legions of evil demons in accordance with God's will. Six years later Hsiu-ch'uan came across a Christian missionary pamphlet. He used what he read in the pamphlet to "substantiate" his conviction that his vision was real, and that he, as the younger brother of Jesus Christ and God's Divine Representative, was ready and willing to overthrow the forces of evil which he saw as the Manchus and Confucianism.

    With the help of converts to his cause he established the God Worshippers Society, a puritanical and absolutist group that quickly swelled to the ranks of a revolutionary army. Numerous power struggles later, Hsiu-ch'uan declared war against the Manchus and launched a civil uprising - the bloodiest in all history - which lasted fourteen years and cost twenty million lives. Both men, Er and Hsiu-ch'uan who changed his name to T'ien Wang, the Heavenly King , were transfigured and transformed by their unusual near-death experiences and became zealous in their desire to "wake up" the deluded of their day.

    With Er, many were educated about the secrets of heaven, some becoming as transformed as he from "the good news. Transcendent cases are powerful in both content and consequences, yet they are "risky business" in the way they can affect experiencers' lives. This enigma repeats itself each time an individual is so transfigured and transformed. Modern-day cases are no exception.

    Not understanding how he could suddenly be airborne, Carter Mills attempted to reenter his body. Crawling downward in swimlike strokes he had almost reached his goal when a gentle but firm hand tugged his right arm. When he looked up, there were two angels replete with robes, wings, bare feet, and streaming hair - no color but opaque white - and no particular gender. After some confusion on Carter Mills's part the trio left the scene at tremendous speed, leaving the earth behind as if it were a star the size of a pinhead.

    Their destination was an intensely bright light. Carter Mills questioned, "How come I'm not cold and how come I'm not suffocating this far out in space? The angels bowed and took their places with two others, each with wings outstretched and hands folded in prayer, at the platform's four corners. Male in mannerisms and voice, the clean-shaven being turned out to be Jesus. Carter Mills could not look Jesus in the face as he perceived himself as naked and unfit for such an audience. After some coaxing from Jesus, he felt more at ease. Instantly Carter Mills's whole life began to play out, starting at birth.

    He relived being a tiny spark of light traveling to earth as soon as egg and sperm met and entering his mother's womb. In mere seconds he had to choose hair color and eyes out of the genetic material available to him and any genes that might give him the body he would need. He bypassed the gene for clubfootedness, then watched from a soul's perspective as cells subdivided. He could hear his parents whenever they spoke and feel their emotions, but any knowledge of his past lives dissolved.

    Birth was a shock: awful lights, giant people, eyes peering over face masks. His only comfort was his mother. He relived each incident in his life, including killing a mother bird when he was eight. He was so proud of that single shot until he felt the pain the bird's three babies went through when they starved to death without her. Yes, I still eat meat, for in this plane species eat each other to survive, but I bless my food and say thanks for the gift life gives.

    If I don't the food sours in my stomach. He was shown that hell is a black blankness without God. Upset, he yelled back, "How can you sit up here on this throne and allow such misery to happen on Earth? I gave you the tools to live by. I gave you free will and free choice. And I allow you to be part of my creation. It is your free will and your free choice that is responsible for starvation, war, and hate. Jesus, the angels and platform, disintegrated into a giant sphere of light once Carter Mills no longer needed their shape or form to put him at ease.

    As the sphere grew it absorbed him, infused him with the ecstasy of unconditional love. You are so high. Magnify that to infinity! He had been told before leaving The Other Side, "No hospital, no blood, no operation, God will show you how to heal yourself. Those present verified that he had been dead for twenty minutes. The next morning Carter Mills awoke in a pool of blood. The doctor he went to for aid committed him to a psychiatric ward as insane when he refused surgery.

    Since three independent psychiatrists had to confirm the verdict, and one objected, Carter Mills was released. Although his injuries were extensive and severe, he recovered by himself and returned to work. His former wife took advantage of his plight and challenged the custody ruling three times. She lost each try. I lost half my friends, my job, almost everything else I had, but I didn't lose God's guidance. I wouldn't talk about my experience for two years. I went from an active social life to that of a cripple before I could change things.

    I wanted to get a degree in psychology, but had to quit several years later when my money ran out. Carter Mills's appearance on the Geraldo Show in was preceded by an old buddy breaking off their friendship just because he had agreed to discuss his near-death experience on national television. Carter Mills was heartbroken, yet appear he did, there and hundreds of other places, sharing the voluminous knowledge he was given while on The Other Side.

    For this he has been both hated and thanked, shunned and welcomed. His mind is often flooded with incredibly accurate prophesies that leave him frustrated for want of knowing what to do about them. Sometimes he feels as if he's losing personal control. Nonetheless, he is now healthier than ever, youthful and energetic, and he brags about how his son has turned out in spite of all the problems. He is drug free and tuned to his own soul. What may have been a near-death experience occurred several weeks after Benedict's birth when it was discovered that his bowels were ruptured.

    His body was tossed to one side as a corpse, yet much to everyone's surprise he later revived. He has no memory of why he drew those particular symbols. He spent his grade school years in a Catholic boarding school in Vermont, and was baptized in the Salvation Army religion as a youngster.

    He traveled extensively because of a military stepfather until the family finally settled down in Fayetteville, North Carolina. In Benedict was diagnosed as having inoperable cancer. He had retired from the frenzy of filmdom by then and was operating his own stained-glass studio. As his condition worsened, he spent more and more time with his art. One morning he awakened knowing he would die the next day, and he did.

    As the typical heaven-like scenario began to unfold, Benedict recognized what was happening as it was happening. The process was familiar to him because he had read many books about the near-death phenomenon previously. Just as he reached the light at the end of the tunnel, he shouted, "Stop a minute. This is my death and I want to think about this! Instantly he was pulled by light away from the tunnel, far away from earth, past stars and galaxies, past imagery and physical realities, to a multiangled overview of all worlds and all creation, and past even that to the edge of existence where vibrations cease.

    He saw all wars from their beginnings, race as personality clusters, species operating like cells in a greater whole. Benedict saw planetary energy systems in detail and how human thoughts influence these systems in a simultaneous interplay between past, present, and future. He learned that the earth is a great cosmic being. Benedict was aware of "walking" back into his body after deciding to return from his journey; as near as anyone can determine his experience took about ninety minutes.

    His doctor's assessment, though, was the most shocking - the cancer he had once had completely vanished. You know, we are a very young species. The violence that formed the earth is in us, too. As the earth is mellowing, so are we as a people. Once pollution slows, we will reach a period of sustained consciousness. We have evolved as life forms from single-celled organisms to complex structures, and finally to a global brain. Employment levels will never again be as they once were, which will force a redefinition of human rights.

    We will adopt a more nurturing type of consciousness, freeing the mind for exceptional achievement. Nothing is unsolvable. Since his experience, Mellen-Thomas Benedict has been flooded with ideas for inventions and the marketing plans necessary to promote them. He has been granted a number of U. His first manufacturing project that of a unique yet simple glass cutter , sold out faster than he could produce the product. At my insistence, Benedict participated in an experiment at Baylor University in Texas to identify the cellular makeup of a certain disease pattern, and was able to describe three cellprints a full year before they were verified medically.

    In , he went on to arrange laboratory experimentation with DNA coding and nerve-cell re-generation that has produced results of far-reaching magnitude. After his near-death experience Berkley Carter Mills felt "directed" to contact and work with political leaders and the political process.

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    Successful at first, he later turned off more people than he turned on, sidestepping his potential to champion a campaign or run for office by giving talks instead of accomplishing tasks. Although he has remained true to his inner guidance, he has been dogged by job losses, misunderstandings, arguments, and, at times, almost irrational paradoxes. The harder he tries to help people the more doors slam in his face. Although he has raised a wonderful son, he has yet to solve the enigma of how to fulfill the guidance he receives.

    Mellen-Thomas Benedict was equally affected after his near-death episode, gifted with the same flow of information from The Other Side as Carter Mills and driven by the same need to reach out and assist others. Benedict learned early on, however, that "obeying" inner guidance can be fraught with peril if one is not grounded.

    This awareness led him to participate in many different classroom and study opportunities where he could learn to tame his own ego before he tackled "the gifts of spirit. Not that the cases of Benedict and Carter Mills are the same as those of Er and Hsiu-ch'uan; of course they are not. But they do offer a contemporary rendition of the same subtle yet important message the earlier accounts illustrate a message present in every transcendent or impactual near-death experience I have encountered , and that is: setting one's self apart, feeling somehow "chosen," tempts one to pursue power OVER others rather than fostering power TO others.

    The difference here is ego, and how it can waylay even the most sincere. The issue of ego domination or ego desire directly impinges upon how a near-death survivor interprets his or her experience, integrates it, and comes to regard that sense of "mission" each is left with.

    I cannot begin to emphasize strongly enough how powerfully the ego can misdirect even the best of intentions. For more cases plus near-death aftereffects, refer to Beyond the Light. The more recent occurrence resulted from a nearly fatal bout with pneumonia, only this time she witnessed her own soul as a spirit residing outside of her body: "I could see my spirit standing before me. The case of Robin Michelle Halberdier of Texas City, Texas, illustrates the overwhelming sense of love experiencers often encounter in the light. Her near-death episode took place in a hospital when she was between one and two months of age.

    But it is the children who describe an animal heaven, some even insisting that they must go through it before they can reach the heaven where people are. Adult cases can be equally compelling. One of those is the story of Julian A. He is a retired teacher, and was returning that day from buying concert tickets in Times Square. Seldom are suicide near-death scenarios hell-like. Contrary to popular notions, most suicide near-death experiences are positive, or at least illustrative of the importance of life and its living.

    Although I have yet to find a suicide experience that was in any way transcendent or in-depth, just to have something happen, anything that affirms that he or she is loved and special, seems miracle enough for the one involved. Near-death survivors from suicide attempts can and often do return with the same sense of mission that any other experiencer of the phenomenon reports. And that mission is usually to tell other potential victims that suicide is not the answer.

    But not all suicide scenarios are positive. What happened to the famous novelist Ernest Hemingway is an example of the typical brief or initial near-death experience. He convalesced in Milan. In a letter from there to his family, he made this cryptic statement: "Dying is a very simple thing. I've looked at death and really I know. The following story from Jeanne L. Eppley of Columbus, Ohio, may seem like another rendering of an initial near-death experience to you.

    Elements are few, and it is brief, as are the others I wrote about previously. But it is different. Next is a case of a haunting, and of an experiencer assaulted by entities awaiting her arrival in the tunnel.

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    But there is more to the story of Sandra H. Brock of Staunton, Virginia, than first glance reveals - proof that one cannot judge a near-death scenario solely by its description. You must investigate before and after conditions in the person's life to reach any kind of meaningful context within which to consider the experience pages , paperback version, "BEYOND THE LIGHT" : "I had a stomach stapling in and, in the process, had to have a deformed spleen removed.

    Just as there is more to the hellish version than meets the eye, so, too, is there more to the tales of heaven than is generally acknowledged. Reflecting on her own death experience, as well as her present situation, she had this to say: "It was my mother who came into my hospital room and said, 'You have died and come back. He bummed rides from Chicago through Minnesota, until a young man in a convertible coupe picked him up on the way to Winnipeg.

    Going too fast for the road conditions, the car hit a three-foot-high ridge of oiled gravel and flipped into a series of violent somersaults. Both men were catapulted through the cloth top before the car smashed into a ditch. The driver escaped unharmed, but Yensen was injured, losing consciousness just as two female spectators rushed to his aid pages , paperback version, "BEYOND THE LIGHT" : "Gradually the earth scene faded away, and through it loomed a bright, new, beautiful world - beautiful beyond imagination!

    He did not want to leave, but was told: "You have more important work to do on earth, and you must go back and do it! She had given birth to her third son two weeks before. Ridenhour of Charlottesville, Virginia. He and his friend Debbie had decided to run the rapids at the bullhole, part of the river that runs behind an old cotton mill in Cooleemee, North Carolina.

    Both had been smoking pot and were easily bored. Their decision to run the knee-high rapids meant that they had to start at the beginning of the rock incline, run down about twenty feet, and start skiing bare-footed until they reached the moss beds. There are near-death scenarios that are so otherworldly, so unusual in the way individuals are affected by them, they belong in a class by themselves. These I call transcendent experiences, and they are often lengthy and involve complex issues and incredible revelations about life, history, and creation's story.

    Seldom personal, these episodes stretch an experiencer's mind - sometimes beyond belief. Invariably, the people who have them are inspired to take action, to make a difference in the world. Although hearing claims by near-death survivors that they were privy to all knowledge during their experience is quite common, coming back with that knowledge intact rarely occurs. In , Berkley Carter Mills made history in the Commonwealth of Virginia and the city of Lynchburg by becoming the youngest father ever to win custody of a small child in divorce proceedings.

    Six months later a massive load of compressed cardboard he was loading slipped out of control, slamming him against a steel pole. He remembers a sharp pain, collapsing, being in a black void, then finding himself floating in a prone position twelve feet above his crumpled body. He saw and heard people running around, yelling for an ambulance and saying, "Don't touch him, give him air.

    The sight filled him with awe. How did this happen? Share this post. Explore the Extraordinary.